Lennon Hu Thinks Pickleball is for Pansies

For Lennon Hu, being a boyfriend is a passion project. “I consider it to be a job, in a way.” He nods, staring out the window of the above-ground M train we share. It’s raining, and the glint of rain off of the subway’s stainless steel sends his blue-green eyes into a smokey-grey somber. After a moment he continues, stammering like a schoolboy, “ — a job I like! A job I like a lot! Not in like a capitalistic necessary-side-gig sort of way!”

Hu, 25, is an actor and musician by trade, a server by night, and my boyfriend the rest of the time. Most of the time though, I refer to him as my “partner,” for one of two reasons.

1. Embracing gender neutrality, even for straight-passing couples is essential in order to keep gender identities unquestioned and normalized!

2. The word “boyfriend” is sort of juvenile when you’ve been dating for four years, and are two full-functioning adults who contribute money to a shared Roth IRA.

Below is our searing, intense, and at times, uncomfortable, conversation revolving around love, sex, fear, and the geo-political ramifications of college-aged mistakes.

JJ: What was the first thing you ever noticed about me?

LH: Uhm–I thought you were way older than me. I thought you were pretty, and more mature than me, and way out of my league.

JJ: Some of those things are true. I’m two years younger than you.

LH: You don’t need Botox.

JJ: I didn’t ask that.

LH: Ok. You just gave a Miss Congeniality vibe.

JJ: Sandra Bullock?

LH: Yeah–like you had gone undercover to like find me.

JJ: Moving on. How did you feel, when I liked a random Instagram post of yours, as a way of flirting?

LH: I liked it a lot. It was late a night. Yeah, a late night like? Thats–that’s a pretty clear sign. And then I liked a post back! And then I let it simmer.

Lennon laughs, unabashedly.

JJ: Did you let it simmer, or were you being a coward?

Lennon laughs harder.

LH: Uhhhh–it was a–it was a play, it was a coy move. I was letting you know that I was interested but that I was going to let the feeling simmer.

JJ: Bullshit. How was our first kiss on a scale of 1–10, be honest.

LH: This is a hard-hitting question. I was nervous. And you asked me “Do you want to kiss me,” I think because you could tell I was nervous and I said, I believe very sheepishly, “Yes.” I’d say a 6 out of 10.

JJ: You’re being gratuitous. What was it like saying “I love you,” to someone two weeks into dating them?

LH: It was nerve-wracking. Mostly because we both said we weren’t looking for a long-term thing. It feels very our generation to be like “Erm, no labels and no promises!” And we both had gotten out of long-term relationships, and then literally two weeks in it was like–oh fuck.

JJ: Do you feel like I trapped you?

LH: What?! No! What…no! What. No! You’re–I’m the trapper. I mean I’ve got–you’re the deer in the woods and I have my eye trained on you. I’m gonna gun you down. I’ve trapped you! You just wait, you’re gonna cost a lot at the market! I’m sorry.

JJ: Do you feel like we’re only still together because of the pandemic that forced us into living with one another only six months into dating?

LH: Whaaaat!? Again–what?! NO! No. No? No! I mean, honestly, it enhanced things. It was a visceral thing, having to do that. We both got very depressed, and living with your partner when you’re both depressed–

JJ: I wasn’t depressed. I’ve never been depressed.

LH: Ok well I was depressed.

JJ: That sounds like a you problem.

LH: Ok–so yeah…

JJ: Next Question: Was there any point during our year of long distance where you thought “Nah–I don’t like her anymore?”

LH: Am I being funny or am I being earnest?

JJ: Both, if you can manage.

LH: (in a British accent) Both!?! I mean I will say–we fought. And fights while long distance are hard–

JJ: You’re referring to our physical fights?

LH: Yes. Our recreational boxing matches. It’s hard to be on FaceTime with the girl you love and she’s just punching the screen over and over.

JJ: Right, so–

LH: And over and over and over and over. And over. Then you’d like snarl like a dog and go “Why I oughta! I’m gonna getcha!”

JJ: You done?

LH: Yes.

JJ: Who’s your favorite couple that as a couple we judge?

LH: I don’t know–I mean, we love love. Ryan Gosling and Blake Lively are faking it.

JJ: Ryan Reynolds. And shut your mouth, right now. Ok–we wake up in the morning, yawn, stretch–you look over to my eye-crusted, hair-mussed, farty-ass, sleeping body, what’s the first thing you think?

LH: I love you with all of my heart, I will never leave this person’s side, my whole life.

JJ: Ok but then you do leave.

LH: We can’t stay in bed all day.

JJ: WHO SAYS!?!?

A beat of silence.

JJ: When are we getting married?

LH: Two years, 16 days, 34 minutes, and 23 seconds from now. 22 seconds. 21.

JJ: What are your thoughts on Engagement Gate 2023?

LH: Oh, well it’s a lesson in–don’t take a photo in front of an iconic landmark in Europe, with your girlfriend’s hand on your chest–and that hand has a ring on it.

JJ: I think what was most interesting about that was like…no one congratulated us. It was only “Oh my God… are you engaged?”

LH: I think we fake engagement photos every year, and then when people finally congratulate us that’s when we get engaged. We base the course of our relationship on the audience’s reaction. Because we’re psycho.

JJ: Well we’d do anything for the bit. How does it make you feel that people fall in love with you so incredibly easily?

LH: Holyyyy Shit.

JJ: Ok–favorite time we’ve had sex in one word!

LH: Jet, I’m not answering that. Your Mom reads this blog.

JJ: Clown Car!

LH: What?

JJ: What would it take for you to break up with me?

LH: Oh. I don’t know…I don’t know.

JJ: What does it feel like to be dating the next Phoebe Waller-Bridge-type writing/comedy superstar?

LH: It’s so itchy in here…I feel like I’m in a Fleabag.

JJ: I’m breaking up with you.

LH: That’s fair.

JJ: Wait wait–can you ask me a question?

LH: Ok! What’s your biggest dream for us?

JJ: CatDog booty attachment. Remember the 1990s Cartoon Network original, CatDog? And how they were attached by the booty?

LH: This interview is over.

JJ: Wait–no, I love you! Would you love me if I were a worm!?

LH: Jet! We have to transfer trains!

JJ: One more question! Should we get into Pickleball!? Ok! Tennis! TENNIS!

Lennon stands on the platform of West 4th St now, gesturing for me to follow him. His palm is extended, his other hand manically waving.

I dash out of the car to follow him.

JJ: I’m Terry Gross, and this has been Not-So-Fresh Air. Wait, Lenny is that a funny tagline!?!?

He’s lengths ahead of me now, he has long legs and a tendency never to look back. But I’d happily follow him anywhere.

He shouts over his shoulder.

LH: Pickleball is for pansies!