“If I lay as still as possible,” I began, “it’s like no different than when we’re having sex!”

She kept her pinkie fingernail exactly a centimeter longer than the others, so no one other than other cokeheads would notice. Not even the pageant judge

It was nice to have someone who wanted you like that. Who valued you, even if it were like property. 

They held Michelob Ultras in hand, and chewing tobacco in their cheeks, spitting into plastic cups, precariously placed on the edge of the pool table’s green felt.

You keep mistaking the streetlight by your house for the full moon.

Communing with the dead, and a recipe for cinnamon rolls.

My mother lives in a town of family names and sidewalkless streets.

I’ve aligned myself too close to the stars, I’ve tripped over too many lucky pennies, I’ve been just too karmically just—

Like a Roman soldier pre-battle gay orgy, I want to get FUCKED UP. So, I signed up for a Tracy Anderson class. 

You lie about being an NYU student? That’s embarrassing.

Unless…no–wait…the darkness…it’s creeping in….My bed is calling out for me. The hazy depression of a mid-afternoon nap, luring me in…Aritiza’s Afterpay option begging me for use

What if Louis C.K. or Bill Maher could actually be eradicated from the culture?

Last month, Representative George Santos was told by the U.S. House to sashay away.

I don’t want to see your Nan on Instagram.

My year was better than yourssss.

The program for “Jet, Live!” because Staples is expensive!!

Come see “Jet, Live!” At Under St. Marks Theatre December 13th at 7:00 pm!!!!!!!!1!

I wish I was an NYU student with an eclectic fashion sense and Daddy’s AMEX to spend at Vegan-Eco-Friendly-Atelier-Baggu-Verified-Seller-Thrift-Stores. 

It’s about to get adorably cringe up in this bitch.

Since when did femininity become a trend?